Tuesday, July 10, 2012

On to the Next....

New Outlook~

One of the amazing things about this journey is that you move from emotion to emotion in days, heck minutes.  One day you are mourning the results of a failed cycle and the next day you are shooting yourself up with hormones and trying not to throw things at your hubby.  Well such is my life these days and I am learning to deal with it.  I read an article that was helpful.  It basically said that there is a new study out, it shows that each fertility treatment that you have helps your body prepare for a positive cycle even if you have a negative cycle.  I LOVE this information!!  Whether it is true or not I am holding onto it.  It is so difficult to have a negative cycle in the first place, another month gone by without the joy of parenthood.  Then you add the financial loss and it is just a lot to handle.  This new bit of information gave me a new outlook.  Even if we have a failed cycle we are still working towards the ultimate goal and that failed cycle is still helping my body prepare for a positive cycle.  That's my attitude and I am sticking to it!  (At least today.. The ZB always seems to be lurking close by)

A Piece of my Heart Went to Heaven~

I did have other sad news this week that really brought a lot of emotions out.  My grandpa passed away last Thursday and even though he has been sick for a very long time, it was not welcoming news.  My grandpa suffered from Parkinson's for the last 12 years so he has not been the same grandpa that we were used to. 

The grandpa that would roll us in the pool in Grandma N's wheel chair, jump in to launch us off his shou.lders and then rate our dives off the waterfall

The grandpa that would teach us EVERY card game in the book but NEVER "let" us win.  We had to earn it and it made us all the better for it. 

The jokester that was always playing tricks on people whether he knew they would get mad or not.  He knew they couldn't stay mad for long and he would be ready for the retaliation. 

The hard working Grandpa that would alternate the days grand kids could go to work with him.  I'm sure we were more work than help but he never complained. 

I CHERISH those and so many other memories now more than ever!

One thing that never changed was his devotion to his wife, his family and his faith.  He LOVED and everyone felt it.  I am sad that my future child will never meet my amazing Grandpa on this Earth.  However, I have to believe that he is in Heaven rejoicing with family that have also passed and maybe, just maybe he is with our baby or babies looking down on us, sending us the faith we need to get through this Earthly life. 

You will be MISSED Grandpa but I know you are in a better place with a healthy body again, up to your old tricks I'm sure.


  1. Beautifully written Crystal..you nailed it..the cycle of life is ever present..love you!

  2. Sorry for your loss...

    And I like the new outlook, its sometimes hard to think positively going through all this, but we gotta try!