I am sorry it has been a while since my last post but I have been trying to keep it together through the roller coaster that is IF. I should have worked through my emotions by writing a post but every time I sat down to write I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Here's what has been happening~
Even though this is our second IUI this is the first time I was put on the wonderful hormone progesterone. When I say wonderful I mean the most annoying thing EVER! Ok that is a little over the top but I for sure dislike it intensely. For those of you that are unfamiliar with progesterone, it is the hormone that increases after you ovulate. It supports your lining so that your embryo has a nice thick lining to attach itself to. At NCFMC (our fertility clinic) they put you on a progesterone suppository just in case you don't naturally produce enough progesterone to support a pregnancy. Great! I love to have that extra support. BUT... besides the fact that it is quite annoying to "take" (if you want to call it that, It was messy, lets just leave it at that)I HATE that it gave me every symptom of being prego. Tender breast, fatigue, even nausea. It was really hard to stay positive but not get too excited through the 17 days of waiting. Even though my nurse told me to wait for the blood test I broke down and took a HPT (home pregnancy test) on day 14 and 15. Both were negative so deep down I knew my blood test was going to be negative as well but I still had that glimmer of hope. I had always said, once I have tender breast I will KNOW I am pregnant. I have never had that symptom before "The Devil" so I just knew if i ever had it, I would be pregnant. Well, that was before progesterone.
I HAD A PLAN~
I was fully booked on Friday (the day of the blood test) so my plan was not to find out my results until the end of the day. I was trying to avoid a breakdown at work. It's one thing to have an office to cry in but when you have to actually work on people, a breakdown MUST be averted. All was going according to plan until I received a message from my nurse coordinator stating I must call her back before 4 or I would not be able to talk to her till Monday. So, reluctantly, I called her while mixing up my clients color and received the sad news. A BIG FAT NEGATIVE! It was obviously not the news I was hoping for and getting it at work made it a million times worse. Thankfully I was working on an amazing client that knew what was going on and was so supportive. She of course offered to come back another time but I decided to stick it out and finish the day. So my plan didn't work at all but what plan ever does in this IF journey.
Crystal..you are amazing..I can't imagine the pain you go through with each negative, you morn then move forward and plow ahead with the next step..You are beautiful in every way..love you
ReplyDeleteCrystal.. I have been thinking of you. I am so sorry to hear your sad news. You are so amazing and handle it all with such grace and strength. I know that you are an inspiration to MANY!! Hang in there. Lots of love your way!
ReplyDeleteI just got the call on Tuesday that I needed to start the progesterone. Its our 2nd IUI too and the first time i've had to use the supps. They're so gross right? LOL
ReplyDeleteI'm following your blog now... good luck with your next steps!
Thank you for your support! I need every bit!
ReplyDeleteShay, yeah the progesterone is another part of this process that is not so fun. Isn't there a better way to "take" it haahaa. Oh well if it helps I'm game for anything! I'm thinking of you through your journey. If you need anything, support, questions just let me know. The one thing I've learned is leaning on others that have been through this IF roller coaster can really help.
I completely understand how it feels to be dismissed at church by people who are “trying their best”...
ReplyDeleteI just renewed my temple recommend and I don’t know what I was expecting but I wanted to express that my testimony is waiting because of all of this crap... every time I brought up a way I was struggling I was dismissed with a “you’re fine, you’re doing fine...” but no substance behind the “it’s fine”... I walked out with the recommend but right now that piece of paper makes me feel like a phony. My testimony isn’t where it was 10, 5, or even 3 years ago... I feel it slipping away from me. Part of me doesn’t even care, part of me feels guilty for not progressing and part of me is devastated that something that used to be such an integral part of my life feels like just a side note now but i am grateful for my colleague who directed me to the herbalist doctor Dr.Osagie Momohsanni who has helped me out with his strong herbal medicines today i am a proud mother after many tries in 8 years. i was beginning to get diver-stated when it all came to me like a miracle all thanks to Dr.Osagie with his help towards my life, may God continues to bless the work of your hand and i will recommend this great herbalist to those out there who find them self not being able to get pregnant.Always remember that God listens to our prayer even if it does not happen spiritually but he sends people to help us in life. you can get to this doctor through phone call on +2349038036558 or email on DROSAGIE99@gmail.com .