Tuesday, May 29, 2012

My Journey to Date......Chapter One

WOW, where to begin.  I guess I will just start with the facts..

~I've been married for 7 1/2 years to an amazing man.

~We have been trying to add to our family for most of those years.

~I have suffered in silence for WAY to long.

~I am finally ready to go public and BLOG about my journey.

~CHAPTER ONE~ A Dream is Born

May 31st 1986, my dream began when my dear little sister was born.  I remember that day like it was yesterday.  My grandma took me to the gift shop to buy her a gift, a big stuffed big bird was my pick.  I walked into the recovery room and saw my mom, hooked up to crazy needles and tubes that were attached up to a loud, beeping machine.  She called me over, assuring me she was okay and it was okay to come see her and the baby.  I remember that moment so vividly, the awe I felt about my baby sister and how beautiful my mom looked feeding her from her own body.  I was hooked, I couldn't wait till that was ME in the hospital bed feeding MY baby, tubes, needles and all.  I must have looked scared because everyone kept telling me it was okay, mommy was okay.  What no one realized was, I was not disturbed by the scene--my mom looked more beautiful than ever-- I was dreaming of the day I would be a mommy.  One day I would sit in a hospital bed, give life to a beautiful child and feed them from my breast.  What an awesome day that was.

Two other siblings were born and every hospital visit I had the same feeling, the same longing to be a mommy.  I played the role at home, helping my mom often with my siblings.  Even teaching one of them to call me mom while my parents were on vacation.  Of course I didn't realize how hard it really is to get prego--except for crackheads, 15 year olds and every other women BESIDES ME on the planet!!-- Of course I know that's not true but it sure feels like it and that is why I needed to share my story.

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